I am extremely sorry for not blogging earlier. I started this, hoping to be able to blog every day. I was over achieving obviously, I don't have a computer at home or the internet, only can blog at work during breaks and lunch, but honestly, those are all excuses. Honestly I have been struggling with myself, upset with myself. It's hard to explain, I haven't exactly fallen from His grace, I guess, just fallen from His purpose. For the last month I have not been reading His word, I have been going to church, but that's not enough. I haven't been living my life for him, I have been living my life for me, watching movies, playing video games, finding whatever else out there to idolize than to be spending my time in prayer and thanking and worshiping Him. I feel depressed, upset, that I have let him down. Talked it over with a few friends, talked it over with my wife, and only I can change my ways. My church is doing the Bread Project, which is reading the bible in a year together, I used to be able to follow along, read daily, if not every few days and catch up, but I have been so far behind, to catch up I would have to read from Duet. 1 to 22 or so, and each day I kept picking up my bible I would put it back down, discouraged about having to catch up, not wanting just to start on the day we were on. So, instead, on my phone I have a bible app that has many reading plans to go through, so I picked about 5 or 6, one is a year plan, the others are 14 to 21 day plans, and I can set reminders to remind myself to read. So far it has gone great, I didn't get a chance to read this morning though, Friday's I work early, but again, that is an excuse, I could have waken up at 6 and started reading.
Now to move on a bit, God works in mysterious ways, and His way is right and we just need to go with the flow. Hard to do I know, I know more than anyone, I am the kind of person that if I don't have control of the situation or can do anything about it I get upset or freak out. It's in my human nature, but it is not of my Godly nature which I need to focus on more. Let go and let God. I am being tested right now on my works of letting go and letting God. My wife has been sick for about 3 weeks straight, well, technically been sick since August, off and on, and 10 years of care giving is taking it's toll, well after prayer and talking to friends we decided it was time for her to quit. She's going to take some time off. So two days ago she turned in her two week notice. Well, our plan was for me to work and her to stay home, with only one income the state will help us out more, lower our rent, give us more food stamps and hopefully we can catch up. So I must add, that was OUR plan, not HIS plan. What was in his plan was, the next day I went to work to find out that my 6 months as a temp at my job is up soon, in about a week and a half to be exact. Now, usually I would be upset, freaking out, telling my wife to go get her job back, but, I refuse to let Satan take over. Honestly, when I found out, I chuckled in my head, and every time I think about it I just laugh. Everyone asks if I will be ok, of course I will be ok, everyone asks if I am ok with losing my job, well, it is what it is, God has bigger and better plans for me.
So I end this with a few notes. Hopefully I will be able to blog more, just from my phone, hopefully He speaks to me and helps me along. Please pray for me and my family as we go through this time in our lives. God is love. God Bless you Brother and Sisters in Christ. We are all God's Children whether we know it or not, He is always there.
No comments:
Post a Comment