Second Blog / Continuing Story

Hey all. Hope this blog finds you blessed.  Count all your blessings, and as hard as it is, count all your failures and issues as blessings, because no matter what you have a God that loves you, no matter what. Feel blessed that God cares about you enough to put these "road blocks" in your life, to teach you, to test you, to help you grow. He has done so much for me, opened my eyes, that I now see all my past mistakes, my past issues, the things I have gone through, have been done by me, myself and I. I didn't look to God as my Father, Jesus as my Savior. A song that has really been on my heart is "On My Own" by Ashes Remain.

We can't do anything on our own, we need Jesus, we need God. Just last Sat. night I went to a show called Pure Rebellion.  Was very faith based and very much a helth class. Touching on sex before marriage, std's, suicide, abortion, many subjects. My wife and I took our 10 and 11 year old, it was mostly geared towards more so High School and College kids, but we don't shelter our kids. They have questions, we ask. Has backfired a few times, but for the most part, I feel it will have a huge pay out in the future. Anyways, during the show, they explained that God doesn't want what is good for us, he doesn't want what is better for us, he wants what is BEST! We can't do any of this on our own.

In the last blog I explained how I slept around, with a lot of girls, no attatchment, no feeling, just "one and done" as they put it. During the Pure Rebellion show they talked about that subject, and explained it best where I even thought back to my past and understood what was going on. Often people sleep around, looking for love, but feel it is missing something, so they move on, and move on, and move on because they arn't finding the love they are searching.  When in reality, inside ALL of us there is a cup, that God put in all of us, that is meant to be filled by Him, nothing else will fill it, nothing else will even put a drop into that cup.

I am not sure where my journey into Christ actually started, I have a few moments in life where I can say "He Changed Me" but honestly he is changing me daily.  Was it when I suddenly got bored of my addiction to World of Warcraft and cut it cold turkey. After that I started looking around, trolling for a relationship, craigslist, internet, dating sites. A lot of what I found was just meaningless, just texting, nothing serious, never really even met any of them, but on a dating site, I can attest, I found my wife.

We talked a few times and one day I decided to drive down from Portland to Tangent, which I like I am sure many, have never heard of Tangent. I won't bore you with a lot of our relationship, but honestly, it is by the grace of God that we are together.  She introduced me to her home church, which from day one I was feeling fed, like God was speaking to me specificly through the Pastor. It has been a bit of work but I have slowly made my way into the Church Family, it took a lot of work on my end, opening up, crashing through my walls I had put up.

Another big thing that happened to me was when we went to something called Willamette Celebration. It was put on by a bunch of churches, there were live bands, a skate park had been put up and a group of Christian skaters were doing shows and contests, a group of BMX bikers that were Christians were there showing off and talking about God. All of this moved me.  I felt I was being shown this for a reason. I started having thoughts of great things I can do in my life that I will explain later in another blog.

Much later I was invited and went on a Men's Retreat with my home church. I was very aprehensive. I didn't know anyone really, was very shy, kinda kept to myself, but I had the best time ever. I learned so much. I can't wait for next years, now that I know more men from the chuch I feel I can come out of my shell.  One of the most important things that has happened is when my Pastor asked me to join him as he is teaching a small group of men to be leaders. I feel so honered that he asked me and the classes are going great. Between that and the movie Courageous coming out, I am learning a lot of what God wants me to do at home, as a spiritual leader. The book that came out, Resolution for Men, which couples with the movie, is amazing.  I have changed so much, and no credit of my own, I give all credit to my wife and God.

The most important day of my life was when I swore to God and all my friends and family, to live the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams.  She has shaped and molded me into who I am today. Sure the road has been bumpy, but we are both learning as we go. I love my wife more than anything in the world, love my children, love my life.  God is great.

First Blog / Introduction

Thank you for taking the time to read this. This will be one of hopefully many many blogs to come. In my blogs I will talk about my past, present and future, as I start my walk with Christ. I hope you enjoy.
This first blog a will give a little of my history and some. I am sure I will miss out on parts, but as the blogs and moods come, more and more sill be revealed. To start out, I wasn't raised in a Christian home, not that it was anti, my mom was a believer and my father was also, we would go to church maybe once a month, but still, what I know now of Christ, my parents were Lukewarm Christians. I never read the bible, never studied or lived His Word. I was never explained why Jesus died on our cross, how I can be forgiven for my sins, much less what a sin is and what the reprocutions were. I learned the hard way just as many have.

At 19 or so, right out of high school I got into my first serious relationship, we ended up having two pregnancies, with two abortions. After that abusive relationship, being from both of us, I started sleeping around, tolling the internet, meeting random girls and then hooking up. Along the way I stopped and got serious with s coworker. I was drinking, partying, living at home at 20, doing  what society had taught me and expected of me. After breaking up with my serious girlfriend because she was too clingy, (which those who know me will laugh because I was always the clingy one) and found out she cheated on me, I soon found out she was pregnant. I denied everything, moved in with a friend I had feelings for. After my son was born, I took a test and it was positive, honestly, I have only seen him maybe 3 times his whole life. After a while of living with the girl I had feelings for, we decided to try to have a relationship. Not too long after we decided we wanted a kid, and 7 years ago my daughter was born. I was in her life since day 1, but after a while of the toxic relationship I was having with her mother, where if we weren't fighting, I was abusing her, no drugs or alcohol was involved, just pure rage and stupidity.  I didn't find myself chasing women, but instead I found myself in a different addiction, and again, no drugs, alcohol, but I became addicted to World of Warcraft. Nothing else mattered, not my daughter, not a job, nothing. I was a 27 year old with no purpose, no care.

Let's fast forward a bit to now. I am now married, May 2nd will be our 1 year anniversary. Together we have 4 kids, 3 boys from her previous marriage, and my daughter, which after a long wait I received full custody of her.

That is a little about me, where I was, in the next blog I will cover some on where I am, and where I am going, and talk more about how Christ has taken me and woke me up.

I hears these lyrics today and wanted to share, by the way this will happen a lot, music is a huge part of my life, and I hear Him speaking through it daily.

*for the longest time I was livin’ blind indeed and I would only turn to God during times of need

like Dear God give me this Dear God give me that

never did I reflect on what I was giving Him back*

Jin - True Religion

Thank you and God bless.

Ryan

Beats4MyGod@gmail.com

http://www.facebook.com/#!/Beats4myGod

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